Been Playing Twilight Princess

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"This will be the last skill I teach you," the ghostly man said. "Are you ready?"

Link nodded and adjusted his sword grip, ignoring the slight tremor in his hands. The last dungeon had been filled with all manner of dangerous ice beasts, each colder and more deadly than the last; a night spent in a warm bed in town had not been enough to relieve the chill. He was tired, bone tired, tired as only a man who'd been questing for months and still no end in sight could be tired. Nevertheless, he'd dragged himself to this place today, to hone his skills for the final battle.

Suddenly a great warmth suffused him. The weariness of the last few days melted away as if it had never been; old muscle pains disappeared; his hands stopped shaking. Link stared at his companion, astonished. Beneath a heavy metal visor, the permanently set features of the man's bare skull, so forbidding the first time they'd met, seemed to soften into a grin. It may only have been a trick of the light.

"This move can only be performed when you are at your best," the skeleton in knight's armor said. "You must convert the energy that sustains you into a destructive power, and unleash it together with your sword, in a sweep, like so." He demonstrated. "Now, come at me."

Link nodded again, grateful beyond words. Then, he moved.

Other skills had been difficult to master. The Great Strike came easily -- he only reached as he swung, opening for a single breath a link to powers greater than himself. Afterward, as the flat reflective landscape of the other-world began to fade, as his mysterious benefactor faded with it, Link could have sworn the man smiled.

"You have learned all I have to teach," he said, the words faint as if spoken across a great distance. "Thank you. Now I can go. I wish you luck, that you may succeed where I failed, my child..."

And then he was gone. Link blinked and found that he stood before the castle gates. The sense of well-being he'd felt on the other side had not faded, just as previously, the aches and pains he'd suffered had not -- but another pain, that had nothing to do with sore muscles, remained.

Link slowly raised one hand, the hand with his sword. Staring at the flat, reflective surface of the blade, he thought: I will succeed. For you.

His shadow wavered and laughed. "Hey," it said. Link tore his gaze away from the sword to watch as Midna slowly detached herself from the ground beneath his feet. For whatever reason, she'd never shown herself before the ghost-knight.

"Do think he meant it?" she said.

Linked looked at her quizzically.

"What he said at the end," Midna prompted.

Link had no idea what she was talking about.

"About you being his child? Honestly, you're nice enough, but you are slow."

Oh, that. Link shrugged. He had no interest in his ancestry.

"Aren't you curious? Don't you think it's strange? He never told us who he was!"

Link just shrugged again. We never asked, he thought.

"You don't think that's suspicious? No, of course you don't." Midna chuckled, fading back into the ground. "You wouldn't. You're the strong, silent type. Actions before words, blind trust, acceptance without explanation."

"It must run in the family."


***

I tried to keep it short so that lame description would not overwhelm the equally lame punchline, but with a punchline that lame there's only so much you can do. Lame, lame, lame, lame. (Has anyone ever written anything for these games that wasn't lame? Besides Becky, I mean.)

***

"Above the highest platform of the tallest tower of the castle in the sky, the dragon circled, gathering momentum. Our Hero waited, sword in hand and heart in chest. Even if he dodged the dragon's claws, the wind generated by the its massive wings would surely sweep him off the platform, and from there to the ground was a very, very long drop. And yet he could do nothing but wait, for the dragon flew high, beyond even the reach of his bow.

Suddenly! In the sky around the dragon, a ring of monstrous, top-shaped plants appeared. Our Hero's prayers had been answered! Readying his claw-shot, he carefully took aim. Whoosh! He hooked his weapon into the nearest plant hauled himself into the sky. But he had no time to re-orient himself, for immediately, the dragon turned toward him and breathed fire. With barely a pause, our hero aimed for the next plant in the ring, and the next, always keeping just ahead of the flames, until at last the dragon could not sustain them and paused, exhausted. In that instant, our hero leaped and, landing on the dragons back, drew his sword..."

***

Put that way, the fight sounds like it could be exciting, but when you actually play it's:

Point, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B. Point, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B, Z-target, B. Point, Z-target, B. A! A A A!

Repeat.

Most boring boss battle ever.

***

There's a snowboarding minigame! And stealth missions -- not the standard Zelda "sneak into the castle/out of prison without being seen by the guards" stealth missions, but the kind where you attach a sniper scope to your bow and arrow. It cracks me up. XDXDXD I mean we are talking about the Hero of Time, Saviour of Hyrule here. On a snowboard.

My brother and I accidentally stumbled into the Pit of Ordeals, ^^ Once we'd realized what had happened, we tried to make the best of it and to fight through as many floors as we could with just one blue potion. Unfortunately, the Pit of Ordeals does not just test how many different kinds of enemies you can take down without being killed, it also requires you to have certain items before you can advance to the next level. We actually made it all the way to the floor where you need the double hookshot before we had to leave. Now when we go back we'll have to do the first 30 floors all over again.