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A million years ago I asked whether anyone would be willing to beta-read a certain Twelve Kingdoms WIP (if I ever managed to finish it). Since then I 've realized that beta-reading runs counter to my fanfic-writing M.O.[1].

EXHIBIT A: THIS POST.

[1] shoddy editing and instant gratification XD

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So basically I finally saw PotC2 and: eh. It wasn't that good. Some of the jokes try too hard. For instance there are a few scenes where Jack goes into his "but if you say that I say that you said that I said" routine even though what's just been said was not that complicated. As far as I can tell the only reason he does this is that it was funny in the first movie -_-;;.

Really this is a sign that I shouldn't watch non-serious movies with my family ahaha. It always puts me in hypercritical mode. My brother and I agree that the action scenes are wonderful, as funny as King Kong's! Or actually, funnier, because you're supposed to laugh at how over-the-top ridiculous they are. My mother and I agree that there's not enough Jack (only his scenes are worth watching). My father and I agree that wherever this movie is set, it is definitely not the Caribbean.

Spoiler, highlight to read: If Jack was using a magic compass that pointed the way toward whatever he desired, does this mean that his success as a pirate was mostly due to the compass? Because it pointed the way to nice, easy ships with big, fat cargoes? I mean, Jack is extremely lucky and a somewhat inventive, and good at talking his way out of things. But other than that and okay, some personal charisma, he doesn't seem like much of a captain to me.

On the other hand now I have ideas for PotC fanfiction. =_= WHY.

(Sailing back from the far ends of the earth, our heroes are attacked by pirates! In the South China Sea, no one has heard of the legendary Captain Jack Sparrow or his infamous black-sailed ship. The attack is unexpected but the result seems forgone: against the Pearl's superior guns and armor, the Chinese junk, held together practically by luck, seems on the verge of surrender despite having had the advantage of surprise. However, in confusion of battle Jack is kidnapped and held at sword point.

The south sea pirates are looking for ransom. They attempt to bargain, first in Cantonese, then Portugese, then Vietnamese French. Unfortunately only Norrington, tied up on the main deck, speaks coherent French (Elizabeth didn't pay enough attention to her tutors). Due to a misunderstanding -- namely, the new pirates wrongfully assume that the Pearl's crew is willing to pay to get Jack back -- negotiations break down and the Pearl flees into the fog.

Jack turns to his erstwhile captors, who in their amazement have forgotten to keep the sword pointed at his throat. "Ooga Booga?" he ventures.

"What you think we are?" the other captain replies. "We are no savages. Not like some people, don't pay one tiny chest of gold for precious captain."

And then later there'd be exchanges like:

ELIZABETH: You were willing to sail halfway across the world for Jack, but now that you're here you won't part with one chest of gold to rescue him?
GIBB: Well, see, your ladyship, it's like this. Sailing across the world only meant riskin' our lives. But giving up our treasure, that's something else entirely.
ELIZABETH: *snort* Pirates.
GIBBS: Aye, we are at that.

And then I imagine the rest would have been about how Jack amuses his captors with endless randomosity and nearly successful escape attempts XD)

...bloody hell.

Title: Ransom
Series: Pirates of the Caribbean
Spoilers: for Dead Man's Chest (I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, THE SPOILERS ARE MASSIVE)
Note: If I had the self-control of a fruitbat, I would not be posting this right now.

( THOSE WHO DISLIKE WIPS SHOULD STAY FAR, FAR AWAY )

...that's more than enough of that. This was supposed to be a parody! It wasn't supposed to go into the details! I haven't even gotten to the part in the summary yet!

But just in case, does anyone know a good Cantonese phrase for "those who stay behind, are left behind"?

My overall impression is AUGH DEAD FROM LACK OF ENDING. The Twelve Kingdoms spends half its time developing a storyline that’s never fully explained, and what’s worse is it was clearly all planned out and if only the production company hadn’t run out of money...! The credits say “adapted” but of course this is from a series of fantasy novels I’ll never read. AUGH.

The Twelve Kingdoms--Junni Kokki--is a Romance of the Three Kingdoms version of El Hazard, sort of. The setting is the real star, but the characters are pretty cool too. And it is REALLY well done. I've got the commercial DVD rip, so I listen in English (the English voice acting is surprisingly good). I also keep the subtitles on, so that I can compare the literal and interpreted translations and maybe triangulate myself back to the original from there. Umm but this may only be me.

The series starts off slow and confusing and with annoying major characters. But you shouldn't be discouraged, because they get a lot more likable. One of the major themes of this show is "becoming a better person."

ALSO, love the foreshadowing. It wasn’t treated like an ominous narrative device at all, more like a regular part of the story that didn’t make sense at first but later did.

ALSO, for many many episodes character development is the plot. *thrills*

( WIP, The Twelve Kingdoms (part 1 of 2) )

The second half should be up by the end of the week. I meant to finish yesterday, but I realized I was defeated at about 2am when all of my sentences were coming out only four words long.