subdee

( More stupid, stupid livejournal observations. At least I sort of have an excuse? )

I do solemnly swear to henceforth try very, very hard not to update with any more random livejournal observations, but only with random broader-context observations and bad writing. Amen.

And also, because I have the inalienable right to Change My Mind, damnit.

This is a first fandom post. It is fanfiction which I said I would never do and which I HAVE NEVER DONE GAH I SUCK. Weep for me, Argentina.

Title: No title yet, too embarrassed.
Author: sub_divided
Rating: Very G, because the action is vague and the "other stuff" even vaguer
Genre: Future Fic, ultimately Naruto-centric. Not in this section, though.
Pairings: Could be read as SasuNaru, but no more so than the show itself. Probably less so.
Synopsis: You know the action scene that starts every James Bond flick? This is that scene. Naruto and Sasuke prove that they can work together, and well, on a mission involving a few renegade Mist Ninjas; a mysterious one-eyed man looks on. This is the prologue to a longer and as-yet unwritten fic.

( Untitled Prologue )


Problems I see: The action is vaguely OK (emphasis on vague), but the writing itself needs work. Awkward phrasing, excessive abruptness, emphasis on surprises that are either not surprising at all or are not well-enough explained, lack of concrete imagery, multiple viewpoints with no clear separation made between them... I could go on, but I'm not sure if I can fix it without writing something completely different. So I won't, and maybe some imaginary reader will help me out and suggest something *is hopeful*.

EDIT: Slight revision, no more changes in POV and fewer "surprises", less bad phrasing. The other stuff still stands, I think. And I totally changed the Author's Comment, too.


And yes, Konoha is now in my spellchecker as a real word *weeps*.